A question that comes up for me (someone who typically feels adaptable, curious and excited by change) is how much do I REALLY embody what it takes? Am I REALLY walking the walk and taking the talk? Historically, I am a fixer. There was this crazy pressure I’d put upon myself to make things right and “help” others. My personal work over the last year has been letting that go. And it is crazy hard. So this post was a great opportunity for me to honestly reflect on where I’m at today, verses yesterday, with my relationship to change. The good news is that I feel lighter, stronger and more empowered, but I know the work will never stop. And that has me fired up.
I love the diagram! Especially the prompt that change is an exploration not a fix. Many of the ‘stories’ you cited feel so familiar - it’s the top-down approach to change/management that’s been modelled and many of us have fallen into. I just read a book - The Power of Giving Power Away by Matthew Barzun - your diagram and it’s emphasis on flexibility and collaboration very much align with what’s described in the book. It’s so exciting to see new ways of leading and influencing being explored and shared.
This is so powerful. While reading this, I was reminded of an image a therapist once shared with me of how change can be like spirally climbing up a mountain - we see the same view and think we are stuck in the same spot. In reality though, we are higher up that mountain - having greater perspective, and more resilience and strength.
Anna, I love this metaphor. It reminds me of how we are introduced to the same lessons and insights over and over again, but they hit differently (and perhaps resonate a bit more deeply) each time.
Thanks for your newsletter and for encouraging comments, Kristen! I have nothing very valuable to say. But it’s just that I’ve also been trying to navigate this idea of change within my own self - thanks for reassuring its never a straight line. Change will come from consciousness largely, and a conscious will, specifically, and there’s no one way for it. However if we do get to it, it is a constant process. Do you (or anyone reading this) have to say something more to say about changes in an individual’s habits?
Ikshula, I find this prompt very valuable. And your point about change being a constant process is wise and well taken. I am interested to hear from others who have undertaken personal transformation journeys, in the meantime I can share that mine has felt like an unfolding. Nothing I could plan particularly well for (though I did and do try!), usually two steps forward and one step back, always surprising, but not always delightful. Yes, my conscious will was involved, but mostly to keep me practicing, to keep going (as Ben talks about below) into the unknown. I’m still working on myself—the process of becoming never ends—and I’m slowly, very slowly becoming comfortable with not knowing what will unfold next.
I'm also struck by the emotional resilience required to navigate and lead that change curve. That has felt especially challenging in this pandemic environment as my "emotional well" can be running on empty without much notice. "Am I less resilient....or just tired?" A question I find myself asking lately. And, my search for patience and rest and recharge feels like a near daily mission. All of that said, as you charge up that change curve, there is nothing better. I try to go back to the previous times I was in pursuit of (meaningful) change and recall the feelings -- to remind, enable and inspire myself forward.
All of this, Ben! How to keep going is always the question for me… and I’m not sure if there is a difference between less resilient and tired. I guess the former could be a judgment about ourselves whereas the latter is a state of being we can associate with the weight of our circumstances. But to me they’re intertwined: when we are spent, we are less resilient. Thank you for reminding us of the value of looking back to our moments of pursuing and achieving meaningful change to help us keep going—our own direct experience can offer us the faith/hope/inspiration we need.
A question that comes up for me (someone who typically feels adaptable, curious and excited by change) is how much do I REALLY embody what it takes? Am I REALLY walking the walk and taking the talk? Historically, I am a fixer. There was this crazy pressure I’d put upon myself to make things right and “help” others. My personal work over the last year has been letting that go. And it is crazy hard. So this post was a great opportunity for me to honestly reflect on where I’m at today, verses yesterday, with my relationship to change. The good news is that I feel lighter, stronger and more empowered, but I know the work will never stop. And that has me fired up.
I love the diagram! Especially the prompt that change is an exploration not a fix. Many of the ‘stories’ you cited feel so familiar - it’s the top-down approach to change/management that’s been modelled and many of us have fallen into. I just read a book - The Power of Giving Power Away by Matthew Barzun - your diagram and it’s emphasis on flexibility and collaboration very much align with what’s described in the book. It’s so exciting to see new ways of leading and influencing being explored and shared.
This is so powerful. While reading this, I was reminded of an image a therapist once shared with me of how change can be like spirally climbing up a mountain - we see the same view and think we are stuck in the same spot. In reality though, we are higher up that mountain - having greater perspective, and more resilience and strength.
Anna, I love this metaphor. It reminds me of how we are introduced to the same lessons and insights over and over again, but they hit differently (and perhaps resonate a bit more deeply) each time.
Thanks for your newsletter and for encouraging comments, Kristen! I have nothing very valuable to say. But it’s just that I’ve also been trying to navigate this idea of change within my own self - thanks for reassuring its never a straight line. Change will come from consciousness largely, and a conscious will, specifically, and there’s no one way for it. However if we do get to it, it is a constant process. Do you (or anyone reading this) have to say something more to say about changes in an individual’s habits?
Ikshula, I find this prompt very valuable. And your point about change being a constant process is wise and well taken. I am interested to hear from others who have undertaken personal transformation journeys, in the meantime I can share that mine has felt like an unfolding. Nothing I could plan particularly well for (though I did and do try!), usually two steps forward and one step back, always surprising, but not always delightful. Yes, my conscious will was involved, but mostly to keep me practicing, to keep going (as Ben talks about below) into the unknown. I’m still working on myself—the process of becoming never ends—and I’m slowly, very slowly becoming comfortable with not knowing what will unfold next.
I'm also struck by the emotional resilience required to navigate and lead that change curve. That has felt especially challenging in this pandemic environment as my "emotional well" can be running on empty without much notice. "Am I less resilient....or just tired?" A question I find myself asking lately. And, my search for patience and rest and recharge feels like a near daily mission. All of that said, as you charge up that change curve, there is nothing better. I try to go back to the previous times I was in pursuit of (meaningful) change and recall the feelings -- to remind, enable and inspire myself forward.
All of this, Ben! How to keep going is always the question for me… and I’m not sure if there is a difference between less resilient and tired. I guess the former could be a judgment about ourselves whereas the latter is a state of being we can associate with the weight of our circumstances. But to me they’re intertwined: when we are spent, we are less resilient. Thank you for reminding us of the value of looking back to our moments of pursuing and achieving meaningful change to help us keep going—our own direct experience can offer us the faith/hope/inspiration we need.