What makes a leader? 10 essential shifts
Which one are you working on right now?
What makes a leader?
The mind goes first, naturally, to a person’s role on a team. Title or tenure. Seniority or authority. The responsibility s/he bears for a business or a team and its outcomes.
But I’ve known plenty of people with great responsibility, by virtue of their position, who couldn’t lead their way out of a paper bag. You probably have too.
I also know many who have very little in the way of authority but who inspire others, craft change and guide progress in everything they do. Maybe you know a few of these.
Maybe you are one yourself.
These are the true leaders. They can exist anywhere in an organization or network, their position is less important than their volition. They are going somewhere. And if they’re effective they are almost certainly bringing others with them.
This too may be misleading. We may come to think of leading as entirely in the doing. But we can be leaders even when not giving inspiring speeches, hosting productive negotiations, crafting vision statements and plotting strategic plans. We can lead even when we’re doing nothing at all.
Leadership is an active state of being.
To lead is to be a leader. It is an active state of being. It’s how we exist in the world. How we act, react and interact. We don’t stop being a leader when we leave work. It’s who we are, and whom we are continually becoming.
Becoming a leader, growing into this active state of being, involves a number of essential shifts that occur deep within us. We shift paradigms typically from a limiting assumption to a more liberating spaciousness. In this way each shift involves a letting go, a loosening of the rigid beliefs we learned from the implicit examples or explicit instruction of those who came before us.
Our leadership shifts don’t all happen at once, rather they tend to unfold over time. You may think about them as the “corners” we turn in our leadership journeys. We may turn some corners early in our careers, but others come later. Everyone’s journey looks different, based on the challenges, opportunities and approaches presented to us—and our openness to them—but I find the fundamental shifts are widely shared.
Here’s a starter of essential leadership shifts. Many of them are interconnected, and it’s not exhaustive by any means. Can you think of others? Let me know in the comments below. Or, simply consider which shifts you’ve already made in your work, in your life. Which might be next up for you?
Knowing —> Asking
From: I need to have the answer to any question that might be asked.
To: I need to ask more and better questions.
The Zen Buddhists practice “beginner’s mind,” dropping preconceived ideas or opinions in order to see more clearly and create space for fresh insights to emerge. We can aspire to this childlike curiosity in all things, or we can simply get in the practice of asking more (and more powerful) questions. Our go-to answers, and by extension our expertise, are likely to be more narrow and fixed than reality, with its infinite complexity and inevitable change. Stay curious. This shift serves every other one on this list.
Failing —> Learning
From: Mistakes are a sign of incompetence. Failure is not an option.
To: Mistakes are inevitable and essential to growth. Failure is not the finish line.
You’ve heard this a million times and you probably believe it, intellectually at least. Welcoming and leveraging mistakes is easier said than done. But perfection is a bogus illusion, not to mention boring. Take this one in.
Giving Advice —> Coaching
From: Here’s what you should do…
To: Where do you want to begin?
Micromanagement believes the way I do things is the way to do things. Leadership knows there are many valid ways to do what we do, and seeks to help team members discover and master their own unique way.
Insularity —> Inclusion
From: The people who think like me are smart. (Because they make me feel smart.)
To: The people who think differently than me make me smarter.
Let’s face it: We like people who seem to be like us (in-group bias) and we like ideas that confirm our own (confirmation bias). We feel threatened by any person or idea that brings us discomfort (negativity bias) and we associate the slightest misstep or disconnect with their character and potential (fundamental attribution error). There are dozens if not hundreds more implicit biases programmed into our brains, and we can’t hope to rewire them all individually. However, if we can start with this simple shift, our brains will begin to adjust accordingly (neuroplasticity).
Victim or Hero Mentality —> Responsibility
From: Something bad is happening to me. OR
From: Everyone is looking to me to fix it.
To: What is possible and appropriate through me?
Did you know the hero mentality, where we swoop in to save the day even when not asked or appropriate, can be every bit as toxic as playing the victim? Which do you play more, the hero or the victim? What would it look like for you to take full and complete responsibility for your part of a situation—no more, no less?
Ambition —> Intention
From: I will be living my purpose only if I attain or retain the right role.
To: My life’s work unfolds moment-to-moment as I stay open to opportunity.
I see ambition as powerful but inherently limited to the scope of one’s own imagination. It’s linear, focused on a particular destination and the steps required to get there. What if instead we spend some time considering what it is we have to offer, and then simply embrace every opportunity we encounter to offer it? I can tell you, based on personal experience: You get further, faster, with greater impact, than you ever thought you could.
Assuming or Avoiding Power —> Stepping Into & Sharing Power
From: My role grants me power over others. OR
From: I’d rather wait for someone to tell me what to do.
To: I recognize my innate personal power and I honor yours in our work together.
Which is related to and can show up as…
Convincing or Compromise —> Creativity
From: How can I help you see my idea is the best? OR
From: How can we meet in the middle?
To: Together we can create something great that represents a win for everyone.
If we’re in love with our own idea, we’re not leading. Compromise seems like a civilized alternative, but with everyone losing a little, the result is usually a bland solution with a bitter aftertaste. Stay open to what’s possible and look for a creative option that meets everyone’s needs.
Venting —> Reframing
From: I’m a safe space for people to voice their complaints.
To: I offer context, perspective and encouragement as I challenge team members to directly address their concerns and actively make things better.
I call it “the Mother Hen” complex: When a manager or executive builds their status on the team (and their ego) by being an ostensibly neutral territory for people to come and unload. The team members feel someone is “on their side” and the hen feels needed and validated. Everyone wins, right? Except in this dynamic, nothing changes and no one really benefits. On the contrary, the potential for groupthink and insular toxicity is high. We need to shut down the venting and shift into solutions mode, but be sure to avoid the advice trap and coach instead (see above).
Holding Onto Work —> Giving Away My Job
From: I’m just going to do it myself because it’ll be easier/faster/better.
To: I happily delegate the work I know by heart, so I can take on new challenges that stretch me.
This may be one of the trickiest shifts, given that it involves surrendering our senses of control and comfort, in the name of growth. We give up control of outcomes so others can make mistakes, learn and grow. And we move out of our comfort zone to make mistakes, learn and grow doing something new. It’s terrifying, and yet this is the shift we must make, the corner we must turn, over and over again in our careers. Every time our work takes on a new scale or dimension, we need to practice letting go of what we’ve just mastered in order to apprentice again.
In this way, this shift—and indeed all of them—are about systematically rebalancing our ego between security, humility and generosity. Believing in ourselves, trusting in others and opening ourselves up to the opportunities around us and the possibilities between us.
This is what a leader does. This is who a leader is.
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Love all of this Kristen! Needed this reframing! Thanks for sharing!