You are not your thoughts
And your thoughts are not necessarily to be trusted
The tricky thing about thoughts is that we don’t see them as thoughts at all.
She doesn’t want me to be successful.
He is trying to hurt me.
No one cares as much as I do.
I’m not good enough.
I’m going to fail.
We see them as truth. But our thoughts are not necessarily true, and not necessarily to be trusted.
Thoughts are manifestations of our mind doing its very best to make sense of the world around us. They are framed by our worldview, informed by experience, influenced by our emotional state. They are inherently limited and naturally biased.
The good news is: You are not your thoughts. Not really. You exist around your thoughts, observing your thoughts, choosing your thoughts consciously or otherwise.
This greater you can be called awareness. You can step back into awareness at any time to access more space and greater perspective on any aspect of your experience—this what we are doing when we practice mindfulness meditation.
Our thoughts still matter, of course. Our thoughts shape our reality. How we think about something (aka our mindset) can set us up for success or cause us to suffer. The choice is ours. This is what we so often forget. But to be able to choose, we have to see our thoughts for what they are. And that’s only possible from the place of awareness.
In the comments: How do you respond to this notion, that you are not your thoughts? When have you felt connected to a greater sense of awareness?
This week
Bring to mind an opinion you hold about another person in your work or life. Notice what thoughts or stories arise around this person. Write them down if it helps you to see them more clearly. Do these thoughts seem true to you?
Now consider how this person sees themself. Is it likely they have the same opinion you do? What about this person’s parent, or their partner?
Take a breath. Let yourself feel it moving through your body. Feel your feet on the floor. Touch your fingertips together and focus on the subtle sensations that rise to meet your awareness. Take another breath. This is what’s real.
From this place of awareness, look back at this opinion. You might apply The Work, Byron Katie’s simple framework of four questions to interrogate difficult thoughts:
Is it true? If it’s an easy “no,” try to let it go. Otherwise, continue…
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Is it always true? Is there evidence?
How do you react when you believe this thought? What happens as a result?
Who would you be without this thought? How would that feel? What would be possible?
Or try out my personal favorite:
What if the opposite was also true? Remembering that the truth is always—always!—greater and more complex than our personal perspective on it.
Bonus: Check out my guided meditation on Working with Difficulty, which can be helpful for negative thoughts, challenging emotions or even physical pain.