When kindness meets suffering
A meditation on compassion
I can’t stop thinking of the millions of people in India who are living a waking nightmare.
Again we are presented with the dire consequences of an utter lack of leadership. But this post isn’t about toxic leaders and the havoc they wreak on our world. I’m too angry to write that post, and in any case it’s not what’s needed right now. People are dying. My friends and colleagues are suffering. And here I sit, a world away in my comfortable life and in perfect health, sending texts and emails and money and feeling utterly helpless.
This post is for anyone else who struggles to show up skillfully in response to profound suffering.
When we encounter the suffering of others, we have a choice. Will we turn away from the pain and discomfort that arises? Or will we meet the suffering (theirs and ours) with eyes wide open, with our full attention, and with kindness?
Suffering + Kindness = Compassion
Compassion is an essential skill in times of crisis. When we act from a place of compassion, we are more likely to act skillfully and powerfully. We will have greater impact and do less damage than when we merely react from the place of our own vicarious pain. (See also: white savior complex)
But compassion is not automatic. Like any other virtuous quality, we need to practice it intentionally. The good news is we can practice compassion on purpose in any moment, rather than waiting or hoping for it to arise when it is called for.
When I meet deep suffering—whether in a friend who has lost a loved one, a community of people who are being oppressed and attacked, or an entire nation in crisis—before I do anything at all I start with a simple practice of compassion.
This is how I do it, and I invite you to join me:
Bring to mind the person or community who is suffering.
Consider your connection to them. Today I am reflecting on the dear friends I’ve made in India and the fact that it is the birthplace of the mindfulness practice that changed my life and sits at the core of my work. I feel deep gratitude and love.
Consider the nature of the situation, what they are enduring. Allow yourself to face it and take it in. Don’t turn away.
Notice what sensations, emotions and thoughts arise as you do. Take a breath. No need to fight your feelings, or fix them.
Repeat the following phrases silently or aloud. Take your time, attending to whatever arises in you:
I see your suffering.
I care about your suffering.
I stand with you.
I am with you.
I hold you in my heart.
(repeat)
Now I can move my compassion into action, letting it ground and guide my skillful response. Perhaps that response will be to seek more information or to reach out and make a connection. Perhaps it will be to offer my time, money or other resources that may be supportive.
Whatever I do, what matters most is that I’m not acting from a place of my own guilt, panic, heroic impulses… my own anything. I’ve de-centered myself, which is always the first step toward wise action in community with others.
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