We Can Change... the quality of our questions

"The perfect comeback" hits different when you're a coach

You know that frustrating experience of coming up with a zingy retort long after a conversation has ended? You’re walking through the supermarket, minding your own business, and then suddenly—BOOM!—you’re hit by the perfect line to punctuate an argument or a flirtation… that you had days ago.

For coaches, it’s questions. Not what we wish we’d said, but what we wish we’d asked. What would’ve taken the conversation deeper. (Because we coaches know that only questions do that. Declarations don’t.)

My too-late questions come to me hours or days later, often when I’m falling asleep, cooking or taking a shower. That’s when my mind is at ease and slightly happy, which research tells us is when we are all most engaged, curious and creative.

Here are a few that came to me—too late—this week:

“What would it look like if you did the thing you’re afraid of?”

“Whose voice do you hear behind that thought?”

“What is there to learn from this person you’re impatient with?”

“What if you said what you just said to me, but to him?”

“How do you think they felt in that moment?”

“What if you could be at ease in your role?”

“Who is judging you? How can you be sure?”

“How would the you of 5 years ago feel about where you are now?”

---

And now, a few questions for you:

• What do you notice about these questions?

• What do they have in common?

• Is there still value in coming up with a question (or statement) too late?

• What’s a powerful question you wish you’d asked?

Let me know what you think in the comments.