We can change... our relationship to change
It never happens how we think it should.
Oh hi there. Fancy meeting you on a Wednesday. Typically We Can Change will find its way to you on Mondays, which means that one week in I am already two days late.
There are several reasons for this, and all of them are wonderful. First, my little business is off to a roaring start. Second, I’m doing what I can to pace myself with crystal clear priorities and healthy boundaries. Third, I had another priority emerge this past weekend.
On Sunday, my friend, neighbor and partner-in-change Ritu Pancholy (who does brilliant work over at Culturupt) launched her campaign to join the Board of Education in our town of South Orange/Maplewood, New Jersey. Our district is in the midst of tremendous change, including the realization of an intentional racial and socioeconomic integration initiative many years in the making. And Ritu asked me to speak at her launch, sharing what I’ve learned about how change really happens.
Here is what I offered the group of 100 local elected officials, activists, parents and voters on Sunday. I will tell you, as I told them, that these 10 Truths of Transformational Change are gleaned from my own experience—when Ritu’s running mate, Will Meyer, asked how I came to these realizations my reply was “the hard way”—and I invite you to reflect on your own extensive experiences with change and see what feels true to you. And then let me know in the comments.
Ok, let’s start by acknowledging how we think change happens… or at least, how it should:
Simple, right? Except it never happens that way. Never ever.
Ever.
In reality, the change curve looks more like this…
If you want to change something—anything—in your life, your work or your world, you are likely to confront what I call the 10 truths of transformational change.
Each of these is its own workshop theme, best explored through discussion, debate and practical application.* But here’s your executive summary:
This is what we know: Change is inevitable. It’s our only constant, and we can’t opt out. There are times we are impacted by change we didn’t choose and don’t want. But even in those moments, we have a choice about how we respond, how we engage. Even when change is happening to us, we can consider what is possible through us.
Here’s what we need to believe: Change is possible. Maybe we’ve been waiting for change to come for a long time. Maybe we’ve been disappointed by promises of change that haven’t been realized. Maybe we’re just tired. This is why we need a clear and purposeful vision. Your vision will guide you like a North Star on your path to change. It will galvanize the people you need to come along with you. And it will ground you when the going gets tough.
And it will get tough, because: Change is uncomfortable. This part of the change curve has an official name: the “trough of disillusionment,” which I always think sounds like something out of The Princess Bride. This dip is a normal, inevitable and important phase of any change.
Change of any kind brings with it a sense of loss. If we haven’t chosen the change for ourselves, that loss feels to our brain much more like a threat, which—real or perceived—activates our amygdala, flooding our nervous system with adrenaline and cortisol and launching our fight-or-flight response. How do we “surf the curve”?
Expect and accept resistance as a natural part of change
Honor the loss that is being experienced
Collect and leverage the emotional data available
Address the needs those emotions point to
Re-focus on the vision—don’t let natural resistance steer you off-course
Speaking of focusing on the vision, here’s a particularly hard truth for problem solvers like me: Change is not a fix. Here are three reasons why no one has ever troubleshooted their way to transformational change:
There will always be more problems to fix, more fires to fight.
If we are focused on the fires, we aren’t focused on the vision. The brain can’t do both at once.
If we are focused on our vision, we create deeper, broader, systemic solutions that address root causes, not just symptoms.
So, by staying focused on the vision and exploring what’s possible, our problems get addressed in a more sustainable way.
And if you thought that was tough, here’s a real one: Change is not a fight. It’s so easy to fall into us vs. them mode in times of change. It’s their fault, he only wants X, she refuses to Y, if only everyone would just Z.
But as one of my heroes, Fred Rogers (you may know him as Mister Rogers) once said:
“I don’t think people change very much when all they have is a finger pointed at them. I think the only way people change is in relation to somebody who loves them.”
For Mr. Rogers, love simply meant accepting someone as they are, right now. Brené Brown’s work on shame and the entire school of research around psychological safety echo this—we do not, will not, cannot grow when we don’t feel safe and supported. Of course, we need a meaningful challenge too—that’s what the vision is for—but instead of exerting force on others, we focus first on taking responsibility for ourselves.
We’ve reached the halfway point. So far we’ve recognized that we can change and we’ve reckoned with the fact that we are human, both of which are principles of my Radiant Change Methodology. The third is the one that encapsulates the next 5 truths: we can play.
Starting with: Change is complex. Even in the simplest transition scenario, there is no one plan that can anticipate every variable. And yes, I know that you are, in all likelihood a master planner, an expert catastrophizer, maybe even slightly psychic. But the past couple years have shown us that it’s not about what you know—it’s more important to engage with all this rapidly increasing complexity with openness, curiosity and flexibility than to wait for certainty and confidence.
And this is where we come to what might be the biggest mythbuster of all: Change is momentum. Not a mandate. Not even a moral imperative. I have seen so many leaders come in to new organizations, new roles, new strategic shifts armed with expertise and authority and mandates—and fail to lead real and sustainable change. In fact, the Harvard Business Review estimates that 78% of organizational change initiatives fail. 78%! That’s wild. But I know why it happens, and how to avoid it, which has everything to do with momentum.
First, we identify our early adopters, those folks who are interested in the change we’re leading and see the potential benefits it holds. Then, because Change is co-created, we engage those early adopters in bringing their ideas to the table. The more, the merrier—and the more diverse this group is, the higher the quality of ideas that will emerge.
Which leads us to our penultimate truth: Change is iterative. We iterate because there is no guarantee that our first idea will work. In fact, there’s a very good chance it won’t, for all the reasons we spelled out above. So we test-and-learn—religiously. (I have banned the term “roll-out” from my vocabulary, as my clients quickly learn.) This is how that works:
We start small. We try something new. It’s a test, an experiment.
We see what works, We do more of that.
We let go of whatever isn’t working.
Repeat.
Finally, we’ve come to the end… except there is no end. Change is never finished. The world around us will change—client needs and employee experiences will shift and the business will continue to evolve, as it must. The curve is really a cycle.
So instead of rushing toward a finish line, we take the long view. Instead of fixating on a perfect endpoint—fun fact: perfection doesn’t exist!—we celebrate the progress we’re making.
In pacing ourselves, we allow change to do what it does best, which is compound. The little pivot you take toward your vision today—let’s call it a 2° shift—sets the stage for bigger changes tomorrow. You’ll start showing up differently. New ideas will start to take root. The change compounds. They say it takes a cruise ship 7 miles to make a right turn. Give yourself time, or risk capsizing.
Most importantly, just keep going.
If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you. I promise future posts will be shorter. And I’ll leave you with a few reflection prompts to consider as you and your team navigate your own change curve:
*Does your team need to hear this? Let’s chat. I offer an introductory workshop for teams or a hands-on training series that gives leaders the tools and insights they need to embrace their roles as joyful agents of change.
Hmmmmm, change is momentum. Good stuff here.