We Can Change… our busy, busy minds
The only shortcut I know
As someone who deals largely in intangibles, I’m used to having my work misunderstood.
Executives scoff at coaching—thinking they are exempt from leadership development—especially the ones who would benefit most. Teams are skeptical that the system they operate within can evolve, and fearful of the risks that will be involved if it does. And everybody’s looking for a silver bullet that will deliver transformational change overnight.
These are typical hurdles any coach encounters, and we accept them as part of the job. But there’s another misunderstanding I run up against all the time, because a primary tool in my toolkit is mindfulness.
You’ve almost certainly heard this word before, and I’m willing to bet it conjures images of a serene person sitting quietly and alone—often at the beach?—in lotus pose, meditating. I mean, whose life actually looks like that? Not relatable!
It’s no wonder many leaders I talk to about mindfulness practice tell me, “Oh, I can’t do that. It’s not for me.”
But it is. They can. And I would argue—particularly if they are looking to be less reactive, more strategic and more effective in their leadership—they must.
Here are a few common mindfulness misconceptions I try to address in my work:
But I can’t quiet my mind. Good news! You’re not supposed to. The busyness of our minds is a sign they’re working as they should. Having thoughts is not a problem… as long as we can see them as thoughts and not mistake them for, you know, the truth.
In mindfulness, we start by focusing our attention on an “anchor” to the present moment (like a breath, or a sound, or a physical sensation) but we have no expectation that it’ll stay there. The mind has better things to do! It wants to plan, create, negotiate, resolve… so when (not if) it jumps away into the future/past/fantasy to do this, we simply notice: “Ah, that’s what my mind is doing right now. Interesting.”
Sometimes what the mind is doing is fairly straightforward—planning a grocery list or drafting an email. But often there’s a pattern at play: a craving for control, a story about someone’s intentions, an emotion we associate with a person. If we can see these patterns, we can examine, understand and, if unhelpful, disrupt them.
This is what I appreciate about mindfulness over other forms of meditation: It’s not about switching the mind off, it’s about seeing it (and thus, the world the mind is continually navigating) more clearly.
Good news! You’re not supposed to be able to quiet your mind.
But I don’t have time/space. It costs nothing to practice mindfulness, not even time. Whatever you’re doing right now, you can do it mindfully. Even reading these words—notice how this post is landing with you. Is your body tight or at ease? Is your mind open or resistant? There’s no right or wrong answer. Just notice.
The next time you’re washing dishes, you can focus your attention on the temperature of the water, the smoothness of the plates, the smell of the soap. In other words, do the thing you’re doing for a few seconds without the mind having to do anything (or be anywhere) else. Research has shown that present-moment awareness makes us happy, even if what’s happening in the present moment is nothing special.
Some moments are special, and mindful awareness can help us show up for those too. The next time you’re with a loved one (friend, partner, child, pet), notice if your mind is elsewhere and gently reconnect with the person or being in front of you.
You can practice mindfulness with nature too, of course. Look out a window, up at the sky. See blades of grass. Smell the proverbial or literal roses. No beach required.
It costs nothing to practice mindfulness, not even time.
Whatever you’re doing right now, you can do it mindfully.
But I already run/do Pilates/play tennis/get massages/etc. for my self-care. Ok, so I have a whole rant about why mindfulness is not just about wellness, and how seeing it as a form of individual self-care is superficial bordering on dangerous… but I’ll save that for next week.
For now, suffice it to say that caring for yourself is essential and it’s important to find the ways of attending to your physical, mental and emotional health that work for you.
And also: None of these activities replace mindfulness practice. Most of them get better when you bring present-moment awareness to them, but none of them on their own have the same impact on integrating your brain’s neural networks, increasing social-emotional intelligence and advancing adult development.
This is why mindfulness practice is at the core of the work I do with my clients. It changes us in profound ways, and fast. It takes weeks, not years, and its impact goes far beyond our own well-being. If you want to change yourself or your circumstances, mindfulness will help. If you want to lead transformational change at scale, it’s non-negotiable.
There are no silver bullets, and this is the only shortcut I know.
How do you practice mindful awareness at work and in your life? Or, do you still think mindfulness isn’t for you? Let’s talk about it!
Next week I’ll share my mindfulness≠wellness rant, I promise. In the meantime, thanks for your patience as I’ve been quieter than usual. I skipped last week in honor of my birthday, and this week’s note is late in honor of yesterday’s incredible weather. ☀️
The other big thing happening over here is that ARC is in full swing! I’ll report back after the program wraps in early June with lessons learned and plans for future cohorts. I’m learning a lot and think our participants are too… but most importantly, it just feels so good to be in community with other changemakers.