We Can Change… our boundaries
The one word that strikes fear in the hearts of overachievers everywhere
Wanna see a hugely successful, results-driven, high-level executive sweat?
Ask them about their boundaries.
I’m not kidding. Every day I have sensitive conversations with leaders at all levels, in which we may explore everything from interpersonal drama to early trauma, but no territory feels so dangerous—even off-limits for some—as the notion of setting, communicating and maintaining a boundary.
This is important. As we’ve discussed in depth, the boundaries between work/life are shifting and the ability to negotiate this terrain (for ourselves and with others) is an essential leadership skill as we look to a more sustainable future of work.
That’s what healthy boundaries do—they sustain:
Taking a break between meetings sustains energy.
Discernment in accepting a client request sustains quality.
Unplugging from work at night sustains our relationship to that work.
You can see how logical it is, and yet how counterintuitive it can feel, to do better work for longer by being more selective now. It’s working smart vs. working hard. It’s balancing short-term outputs with long-term outcomes. If you’re thinking the system you work in only cares about short-term hard work, you may be right. That’s what makes boundaries feel so dangerous.
But the system itself is not sustainable. We’ve never seen this more broadly or more clearly, and never had as great an opportunity to redesign the system, as we do today. How? Well, systems are made of people. Systems shift when people behave differently within them. This is why we don’t change anything without starting with ourselves, with our own boundaries.
5 Simple Steps to Better Boundaries
Mindset Shift: Stop thinking and talking about a boundary as a brick wall, a monolithic barrier of generalized “no.” Start thinking about it as an arrow, pointing “this way to my best work.” Boundaries are strategic—they enable performance. Everything gets easier when you can accept this.
Role Clarity: What is your actual job? (Btw this can apply at work, at home or in other areas of life.) Define your role in terms of the outcomes you’re seeking, not the items on your to-do list. Understanding what’s most important helps you in…
Impact Inventory: What activities, tasks and ways of working support your effectiveness in your role? Which ones detract from your effectiveness or distract you from your most important outcomes? Be honest here, and discerning. Watch out for the “but”s and “should”s of limiting beliefs, e.g. “but I’m the only one who can do X right” and “I should be able to do Y by myself.”
Strategic Planning: What choices will you make to ensure you can achieve what matters most, successfully and sustainably? You don’t have to come to these conclusions on your own—talk to your boss, your team, your clients about it. Agree together on boundaries (individual/relational) and guardrails (operational), which may take the form of: priorities, tasks delegated, meeting agendas, response times, working hours, etc.
Experimentation + Iteration: What’s working well? What needs work? If you’ve been specific about your boundaries and the purpose they serve, you’ll know how to evaluate their effectiveness. You’ll also know if they’re being violated, and (as long as you’ve actually communicated them) can reinforce them when needed, reminding the other parties “this way to my best work.”
If we’re not making choices, we don’t have a strategy. Successful, sustainable strategies are made of hard choices. If we’re not working with boundaries, what choices are we making? How successful and sustainable can our work ultimately be?