It’s not about you
Now more than ever
"I’ve just realized... it’s not about me!"
These words (which I am sharing with permission) came from a leader I’m coaching. She is a participant in an intensive leadership development program I designed to challenge outdated management mindsets and invite leaders to step into the more engaged, effective leadership that their people, clients and businesses need from them—now more than ever.
I’m sharing these words because they represent an important corner every leader needs to turn. Now more than ever.
To shift out of "how can I get it all done?" and into "how can I lead this team most effectively?"
From "what do they think of me?" to "what do they need from me?"
From "this is happening to me!" to "what is possible through me?"
Leaders, it’s not about you. It’s about your people. They need you right now. They are exhausted. They are hurting. They are scared. They want to succeed, not just survive. To do that, they need to feel safe with you.
Yep, safe.
Safe to be themselves. Safe to take risks. Safe to make mistakes.
This is not only meant to be out of the goodness of your heart, by the way. It's well documented that when people feel psychologically safe, they can be free to focus on doing their best work. And when they don't, they will shut down. They will burn out. They will leave.
Now more than ever.
So how do we do it? How do we show up for our people right now?
It's so much simpler than you might think:
Ask how they're doing. Care enough to really listen. “I'm here.”
Don't try to fix their feelings—or dismiss them with “That's just how it is.”
Ask what they need. If you can, give it to them. “Let's shift that deadline.”
Ask what else they need. If you can't make it happen on your own, ask for help. “My team needs more support.”
Help them set boundaries. And set guardrails so they don't have to do it by themselves. “Team, no chat messages after 6 p.m.”
Help them prioritize. Communicate a clear mission and empower them to make decisions about how they help you achieve it. “Why don't we put this on the back-burner for now so I can focus on this pitch?”
Look at the system. If we treat every issue as an isolated incident, we’ll be fire-fighting forever. “How can we streamline processes and make work easier for people?”
In the comments: What else belongs on this list? What is working for you in showing up strong for your people?
Friend, it’s not about you. It never was. Your leadership is always about them. They need to know you are, first and foremost, connected to and invested in them as people as well as professionals.
Now more than ever.
This week
I recorded a brief compassion meditation you can check out on Instagram or LinkedIn. Or you can use the phrases below to connect meaningfully with the difficulty and suffering of someone(s) else. It can be applied to a targeted group like the citizens of Ukraine. It can be applied to an individual like a colleague who is having a hard time.
At any scale, intentionally practicing compassion can help us meet this suffering and not turn away but instead to move into engaged and skillful action in response.
Phrases used in this practice:
I see you.
I am with you.
We are connected.
Your safety is my safety.
Your freedom is my freedom.
I see the world as it is for you today.
I care about your suffering.
I see you.
I stand with you.
May we all be safe.
May we all be free.
May we all have peace.