How to be wrong
This is how I try to do it.
Last week, I said something insensitive and hurtful with regard to racism. It doesn't matter that it wasn’t my intention to do harm. It was the impact my words had.
I am:
--Sitting with the generous feedback I received
--Reflecting on the assumptions and privileges I was speaking from
--Seeing how I centered myself and my own experience in that moment
--Working to understand the harm I caused
--Looking at other times I have made this same mistake
--Planning specifically how I will do better next time
I am not:
--Rushing to explain/defend myself
--Apologizing to make myself feel better
--Seeking support/understanding from others (please, no praise for doing what I should be doing in this situation)
While I never want to make this particular mistake again, I know I'm going to be wrong a lot. This is how I try to do it:
Don't try to be right—even in your own mind.
Listen to learn—the lesson is in the discomfort.
Look at your impact—intention is irrelevant, relatively.
Apologize when appropriate—when it's for them, not for you—otherwise it's a thank you.
I'm sharing this for two reasons:
To be transparent that while I try to share what insight I have in this space, I am very much a person in progress, and
Maybe this will help you the next time you're wrong.