Curing impostor syndrome
That's right, I've finally done it.
I’ve had it with impostor syndrome.
I’m tired of it tormenting me. I’m sick of it sidelining my coaching clients.
I’ve had enough. Impostor syndrome has got to go.
You know how it is. You find yourself in a new role, on a big stage or on the receiving end of praise, and instead of pride, you feel fear. Instead of confidence, doubt. A voice from deep within frets: I’m not good enough. I’m not ready. Any minute, they’re going to find out.
Denying the voice doesn’t work. Fighting it only seems to give it more power. No, if we are to rid ourselves of this insidious adversary, we need to know it. To know it, we need to study it: where it comes from, how it works, what its vulnerabilities are.
Let’s dig in.
What is impostor syndrome?
Impostor syndrome is the belief that we aren’t as good, smart or capable as we may appear to be.
Imposter syndrome was originally defined in 1978 as “the internal experience of intellectual phoniness… particularly prevalent and intense among a select group of high-performing women.” Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, the researchers who identified the “phenomenon” while studying a sample size of 150 mostly white, upper- or middle-class women, connected it to one of two family dynamics in childhood:
Being told you are a gifted child whose achievements come naturally, or
Being the sibling of that child.
Decades later, it’s estimated that 70% of us struggle with this self-sabotaging belief, which includes people of all genders, races, ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds. But this prevalence is only partly due to problematic parenting. The real roots of impostor syndrome go deeper, and its implications go further, than we realize.
The Cause: Impostor Brain
Impostor syndrome is conceived deep within our brain, in an almond-shaped node called the amygdala. In evolutionary terms, it’s the oldest part of our brain and plays a key role in the limbic system, aka our lizard brain. The limbic system’s job is to keep us safe, and the amygdala plays the role of security system: It is constantly scanning for threats and activates our fight-or-flight response whenever it senses one.
Here’s the thing: The amygdala can’t discern between a real threat and an imagined one. It is triggered automatically by emotional cues before the considerably slower centers of rational thought, like the prefrontal cortex, have a chance to apply reason to the situation.
We feel before we think, as a matter of survival. When triggered by fear or anxiety (the active ingredients in impostor syndrome), the brain takes flight, and our thoughts follow. I’m not good enough. I’m not ready. Any minute, they’re going to find out.
Another byproduct of the amygdala’s threat response is an innate negativity bias we all carry, which leads us to pay more attention to what’s bad/wrong/scary than what’s good/right/possible. Your negativity bias is why you leave a meeting with your boss ruminating on her one piece of constructive criticism and not the numerous compliments and supportive statements she offered you.
Remember that all of this it is your brain’s best attempt to keep you safe—even if, when deployed against imaginary threats, it stops you from accepting the evidence of your own excellence.
Sometimes, though, the threats aren’t imaginary. Some have been specially designed and delivered directly to our amygdala with the singular intent of stopping us cold.
The Context: Imposter Culture
A bitter cocktail of self-doubt, fear and shame, impostor syndrome feels personal, as if it is ours alone. We imagine everyone else is walking around free of this menace, eminently secure, with a boatload of confidence. But this is mostly an illusion, and not just because we share the same basic brain structure.
We live in a society of scarcity. At every turn, our cultural norms preach more is better and there is not enough. These beliefs drive our work, propel our spending and consumption, and limit our leisure.
With narratives of white supremacy, patriarchy and heteronormativity ingrained in our collective consciousness, and with the societal structures of government, business, media, education and religion reinforcing them, the majority of us have also been told, implicitly as well as explicitly for most of our lives, others are better, you are not enough.
Evidence to the contrary abounds, if only we could see it. But the lie of not enough persists even as we achieve our goals and exceed our own expectations. No matter how much experience, status, wealth, or support we have, we will never feel fully equipped. More is better.
We think we need more knowledge to speak on important issues. We think we need more skills to stand up for someone who is being discriminated against. We think we need more connections, more power, more of a platform to start to make things right. And so we stay silent, and wait for someone else to do something about it. Someone better.
We might look to our heroes for affirmation, but their emergence is usually framed not as evidence of our own potential, but as exceptions to the rule. We elevate them as paragons of talent backed by destiny, rather than the hardworking, tenacious and naturally flawed humans they are. We ignore the twists and turns, setbacks and failures that made their paths look more like our own, and we erase the collaborators, communities and coalitions who supported them. Our idolatry paralyzes us. They are better, we are not enough.
So that’s how it works: Society tells us we aren’t good enough, we believe it, we suffer for it and it slows us down. Too many times, we stall out completely.
The Prognosis
On an individual level, it’s a damn shame. But impostor syndrome isn’t just about you, the individual. Your anxiety, self-sabotage and wasted potential are all collateral damage in the greater war against progress.
Impostor syndrome is the weaponization of our innate defense mechanisms to preserve established centers of power by inhibiting potential challengers. This is why it must be destroyed: It holds us back from achieving our own dreams, yes, but also from leveraging our power to lead change. To fight for justice. To champion equality. It is an outcome of and a tool for structural oppression.
You know who doesn’t suffer from impostor syndrome? Old, super rich, white men. They’re no more intelligent or qualified than most of the rest of us, but they are intent on maintaining their power at all costs. The next time you hear that little voice whimpering I’m not good enough, you might think of it as a sinister transmission from one of those little old tyrants, who in truth is utterly terrified about what you might be capable of.
At the very least, remember that impostor syndrome is not only bad for you and bad for your future, it’s also bad for the world.
The Cures
I believe we can and must cure impostor syndrome. It’s not a quick fix—rewiring our brains, rewriting our narratives and rebuilding our society doesn’t happen overnight—but a few simple strategies can dramatically shift your relationship to that little voice… and to yourself.
Practice a growth mindset
It’s remarkable how much easier life becomes—and how much more we get done—when we let go of the belief that we’re supposed to know and be able to do everything. Adopting a growth mindset means seeing every challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow. Is there something you’re struggling with in your life or work right now? What happens if you ask yourself, What don’t I know yet? What can this teach me?
If we are committed to openness, curiosity and lifelong learning, the narrative of not enough quickly loses its grip, giving way to a passion for finding opportunity and applying creativity in any challenge.
Practice kindness
Sometimes a syndrome’s most powerful antidote is its opposite. The opposite of impostor syndrome’s fear, anxiety and self-judgment is kindness in its various forms.
When kindness meets goodness, it shows up as appreciation: Thank you for this.
When kindness meets suffering, it shows up as compassion: I care about this suffering.
When kindness meets any circumstance at all, it begins with acceptance: This is how it is right now.
Every moment offers us the opportunity to practice kindness toward ourselves and others. Each time we choose kindness over judgment, the latter is weakened and the former grows stronger. There’s even a meditation for that.
Practice mindfulness
At the end of the day, despite its belief in not enough, impostor syndrome is a problem of too much self. We become consumed with our story of ourselves, spending inordinate time and energy calibrating a delicate balance between our vision of success and our need for safety.
We can disrupt this drain on our brain’s resources by practicing mindfulness of our thoughts and emotions. In other words, seeing our impostor syndrome as it arises and consciously choosing not to invest in it. Here’s how:
See it. It’s powerful to recognize a thought or feeling as an object of the mind vs. an object of reality. This is not always as easy as it sounds. Seeing our thoughts as thoughts (and not as objective truth) in the moment takes practice. It can help to…
Name it. When you notice a not enough thought, give it a label. I like to personify the thought pattern and give it a name. A good one for impostor syndrome might be “the imp.” But really, any name you like: Ana, Bob, Connie. And when you see this thought patterns arise, you can say, Oh look, Connie is back again.
Accept it. You don’t have to chase this thought or emotion away. In fact, the more we resist, fight or judge our experience, the more power it has. So instead of trying to let it go, try to let it be. This will allow you to…
Feel it. Get curious about what imposter syndrome feels like, physically in your body. Is there tightness? Nausea? Heat? Getting to know our physical experience of a thought or emotion serves two purposes: It helps the rational brain recognize it faster in the future and it gets us out of our heads (where our story lives) and into our bodies (where we can connect to reality).
Frame it. We still don’t have to make an impostor syndrome thought disappear, we can simply substitute it with a different thought. You might try talking to the thought or feeling itself, That’s not helpful right now, but thank you for trying to keep me safe. Or you might use one of the truths below to reframe your thinking for the situation you find yourself in.
The Truth
Here’s what I know for sure:
No one knows what they’re doing. This has always been mostly true, and these days it’s absolutely true. In a world of constant and accelerating change, where most of us are dealing with unprecedented challenges, even the most credentialed experts are in uncharted territory.
Almost everyone feels insecure and doubts themselves from time to time. For some, this insecurity is unconscious, hidden from view by a bombastic ego. That doesn’t mean it’s not there.
The presence of self-doubt does not indicate inadequacy any more than the presence of confidence guarantees competence. On the contrary, a certain degree of self-doubt can help us cultivate the self-awareness and self-critique that yields growth. If we turn off that internal “check,” we are likely to do a lot of damage, running purely on instinct. Move fast and break things, anyone?
Confidence is too much to expect. It may show up occasionally, but it’s not essential. We can keep going even when confidence is nowhere to be found.
It’s enough to be at ease. To be at ease with ourselves means not trying to fit ourselves into someone else’s image. Especially because that person has probably been trying to squeeze themselves into it for most of their lives.
People will criticize you. That doesn’t mean you aren’t capable. It may mean you’re doing something that makes other people uncomfortable. This will happen any time we attempt to lead change, usually in direct proportion to the magnitude of change we are leading. Criticism just might be a sign that you’re actually right where you belong.
Your work is not only about you. Let’s shift the story from self to service: How does what you’re doing serve and support others? Who are the people who need what you have to give? Why hold yourself back from meeting that need? Get back to it, not just for yourself, but for the benefit of all.
Whatever you do, keep going.
Don’t wait to be enough. Enough doesn’t exist.
Don’t worry about being too much. Too much for whom?
This world needs you to be the you that you are today, as powerfully as possible. You have work to do.