"I am not ok."

Five essential strategies for fighting burnout in a pandemic

Sep 07, 2020

"I am not ok." I hear some version of this every day. Most days, I feel it myself.

Waking up feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Losing my sense of motivation, direction and purpose. Feeling overcome with dread at the simplest task.

In isolation, it's easy to think it's just me. That I'm the only one having a hard time seeing straight (or, you know, getting out of bed), while out there on the other side of the screen, everyone else is going about their business and feeling fine. Luckily, my work allows me to spend my days speaking with and supporting people all over the world, and I can see and hear firsthand just how not alone I am. And I’m here to tell you: It’s not just you, me and Michelle Obama struggling with low-grade depression.

We are now collectively in the disillusionment phase of disaster response in terms of mental health. In fact we're on the downward slope of the chart below. I'd put us right next to the "D" in "Disillusionment."

Which, I’m sorry to say, means we still have further to fall.

Many leaders I know have been coping by projecting themselves forward into “reconstruction” and obsessing over the “new normal.” As if normal is just around the corner. As if we can hasten its arrival simply by invoking it, imagining it, planning and preparing for it. On one level this is a natural instinct: It’s what we are good at and what we get paid for, right? But when our focus on the future becomes an avoidant maneuver, it yields more harm than good.

Our premature plans for an unforeseeable future can’t save us from this simple truth: We’re living in the now, and the now is incredibly stressful.

It is burning us out, whether we are working or not. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when we feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained and unable to meet constant demands. So yes, I am burning out, and you probably are too. The elephant on your chest most definitely is.

But we aren't talking about it. Instead we are working harder and longer. What else is there to do? The cracks are starting to show: short temper, scattered attention, mental fog and foolish mistakes. And remember, it’s early days yet. If we don’t start paying attention and making key adjustments, we are going to hit a wall—as individuals, organizations and societies—and it will be massively destabilizing.

What can we do? Well, we can’t control the world around us (one day soon I’ll write about how greatly we suffer when we try) and we can’t opt out of it. But that doesn’t mean we’re powerless.

Below I share five strategies I’m applying with my teams and in my own life. Like all effective leadership strategies, they start with ourselves and build from there to serve and support those around us. Know this: These are strategies to be practiced, not insights to be intellectualized. If you like what you read here but do nothing differently, nothing will change. So I’m including hands-on practices for each strategy.

Here are the five strategies that are essential for leading in this (extended) moment:

Recognize the brain’s normal response to an abnormal situation
Change our relationship to our most challenging emotions
Talk about what we’re experiencing, naming and sharing our needs
Shift our leadership tactics to create space and safety for all
Focus on what drives success, and let the rest go

Stress & Your Brain

First, let’s acknowledge this is very normal response to a highly abnormal situation.

You may already know that deep within our brain, our amygdala is constantly on guard, trying to keep us safe. When it is activated by a perceived threat, the amygdala “hijacks” the brain (taking over control from other, more rational centers like the prefrontal cortex) and floods the nervous system with adrenaline and cortisol, the stress hormone. We experience this hijack as a fight-or-flight response: tight chest, heart racing, nervous belly, shallow breathing, anxious mind.

Now let’s look at the five types of perceived threats (acronym: SCARF) that activate the amygdala, with examples of how these may be triggered during the various (health, economic, political, social and environmental) crises that are intersecting today:

Status - our sense of being valued by others

Reduced access to leader/manager/team
Less frequent validation or recognition of work/value
Concerns about job stability/security

Certainty - our need to know what will happen

Inability to predict what next month - or next week, or tomorrow - will look like
Feelings of overwhelm at the complexity of societal/health/economic issues
Realization that our worldview is incomplete or inaccurate

Autonomy - our ability to control how we work and live

Inability to work in usual ways
Restricted ability to move through the world as we like
Expectations to be “always on" and available

Relationship - our sense of connectedness and community with others

Physical distance from people we care about and collaborate with
Lack of spontaneous connection and diminished sense of mutual understanding
Increased likelihood of exclusion if connections are not intentionally inclusive

Fairness - our sense of justice, of balanced decisions yielding equitable outcomes

Prevalence of health inequities by race, class, age, etc.
Acute awareness of racial injustice and the depth of systemic inequities
Loss of trust in established systems of authority and governance

This is only a partial list, and not all of it may apply to you, but it illustrates how profoundly this crisis is triggering our basic survival instincts. Is it any wonder we're feeling the strain?

And because the crisis is ongoing, our stress response is continuous. The brain is not getting the breaks it needs to recover and reset. This is where we really get into trouble.

Over time, chronic stress increases the amygdala’s size and power, and the prefrontal cortex actually shrinks. As in reduced gray matter. As in brain cells lost. Our brain changes in structure and function. As a result, we become more fearful, more reactive. Not only is our physical and mental health negatively affected, but so is our ability to think creatively, strategize and collaborate.

So the brain is doing what it considers to be its most important job: keeping us safe. Our job is to give our brain a break. And we do this by disrupting the amygdala's reactive pattern.

Practices: Stress & My Brain

For Myself: The next time you feel that elephant sitting on your chest, see if you can take a deep breath in. Hold it for just a couple seconds and then exhale very slowly, all the way until no breath is left. Be sure the exhale is longer than the inhale. Do this a few more times, paying attention to the sensations in the body—this simple exercise stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering blood pressure and quieting the amygdala's stress response.

With My Team: Talk about the SCARF categories with your team and discuss:

What new insights do each of us have about our own personal stress response?
Which of these five needs feel particularly important to each of us, or especially vulnerable right now?
How can we work together as a team to help one another feel valued, empowered and supported? Here are some "rewards" to balance out the SCARF threats:

Status: Generously share appreciation and recognition
Certainty: Focus on what we do know and what we can control
Autonomy: Support one another working flexibly in the ways that make sense to us
Relationship: Create time and space for meaningful and inclusive connection
Fairness: Offer plenty of context and open discussion around key issues, actively looking for ways to be more balanced in your views and decisions

Weathering the Emotional Storm

Our emotions are an important part of our life experience, but they are often misunderstood. Many of us learned early in life to suppress our emotions, denying their power entirely. Or we may have learned to indulge them, treating our feelings as facts. Where on this spectrum do you fall?

Typically our issue isn't what we're feeling, but how we're relating to whatever emotion is at hand. Are we using it as data to make an informed decision or take necessary action? Or are we just lost in the storm? Here are three keys to remember:

Our emotions are not a problem. In fact, they serve important functions: helping us connect with and relate to others, informing our decisions and motivating us to take action, and signaling needs that we have. For example, sadness is a signal that we need space to heal, whereas anger is a sign that our attention is needed to address an injustice or to protect something we care about.
Our emotions are not permanent. They are like weather patterns passing through our experience, moment to moment. When we are experiencing anxiety or depression, or a surge of anger, it can seem like we will always feel this way, but if we pay attention we can see they are constantly moving and changing.
We give negative emotions more power. Thanks to our old friend the amygdala, we have an innate negativity bias, which means we pay more attention to what's going wrong than to what's going right. It's one way we try to protect ourselves, by being hypervigilant about possible threats. And this bias extends to our emotions as well: We give more energy to "negative" emotions like anger or fear, which are immediately stored in our memory so they will stick around. Positive experiences like joy have to be sustained over time in order to be recorded. All of this explains why we can have a pleasant conversation with someone and come away focused on the one thing they said that annoyed us, and why that one thing will be what we remember about the conversation.

If we can remember these three keys to understanding our emotions, we can begin to relate to them differently. We will be able to see them as they are passing through, the sunny days and the stormy ones, and to honor to the needs they signal. (Check out the RAIN practice below, which is designed to help us relate to our emotions in this way.)

When it comes to honoring our needs related to stress, we can start by setting boundaries that define what levels of engagement are acceptable to us. For example, setting healthy and productive boundaries might look like:

Taking paid time off. Not only a day here and there, but extended stretches away from work - even if you aren't able to travel - to unplug and recover.
Starting and closing your workday with intention. Create a morning and evening routine or ritual that you can stick with, and give yourself something other than work to do with your time.
Going on a media diet. Pay attention to the news and social media you are consuming, how often you are taking it in and how it's making you feel. Then, limit or balance your media consumption to be more supportive and sustainable.

Once we've set boundaries for ourselves, the next step (which we too often forget) is to communicate those boundaries to others. More on that below.

Practices: Weathering the Storm

For Myself: Apply the RAIN acronym to your emotional state, whether challenging or joyful:

Recognize that you're having a strong emotion, and label it if you can
Allow the emotion to be here, no need to chase it away or fight it
Investigate it, in the physical sensations in the body (uneasy stomach, tight chest, hot face), which with some practice will allow you to...
Non-Identify with the emotion, so that you can see it instead of being consumed by it.

Taking time at the beginning or end of your day to reflect on what/who you are grateful for is another effective way to balance out the brain's negativity bias.

With My Team: Normalize having feelings, and honoring those feelings. Notice if you’re trying to fix your team’s feelings—or avoid them entirely. Instead, practice asking how they’re doing and just listening. 99% of the time, that’s enough. If your team has a hard time opening up, set the example yourself. Share what feels good and what feels hard for you, which can make it safe for them to do the same. Just be careful that in your transparency you aren’t burdening them with your own emotional work, or looking to them for a fix.

Sharing What We Need to Succeed

Let's be honest: This isn't easy. For many of us, these kinds of conversations fall outside of our comfort zones. We're comfortable talking strategy, not struggle. We are fluent in numbers, not needs. And being vulnerable can feel downright scary.

So we need to keep it simple.

Acknowledge the current situation. If it helps, share this post with your team and use the questions below to host a discussion in your next team meeting.
If you are hosting the conversation, share your own authentic experience first to make it comfortable for others to do the same.
Listen openly and without judgment... or fixing. You also don't need to rush to solve problems or address people's challenges in this first conversation. When we create a bit of space for understanding and connection, that can be healing in itself.
Encourage team members to ask for help or support at any time. Create a code word if you like; at BCW we use the language of "the line." We all know what it's like to be below-the-line (which can manifest as anxiety, overwhelm or disengagement) and we can show up for one another in those moments.
Find flexible solutions when people do reach out. Be ready to help colleagues manage priorities, redistribute work, rotate roles and projects, etc. Look for efficiencies that allow the whole team to work smarter, not harder. More on this below.

Practices: Team Conversations

For Myself: When you're feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to consider, "What do I need right now?" so you know what kind of help to ask for.

And when you're feeling energized and engaged, ask yourself, "Who can I help today?"

With My Team: Start meetings with a check-in question ("What's your emotional weather forecast today?" "What is motivating you today?” “What is worrying you today?") that allows people to reflect and share some aspect of their experience.

In hosting a conversation about stress and its impact, these questions may be helpful:

What is the biggest challenge you're facing right now? Do you have what you need to take it on?
What questions or concerns can we put on the table and talk through together?
What have we done well as a team over the past few months? What do we want to do differently as a team for the rest of the year?
On a scale of 1-10 (1=calm and 10=catastrophe), where is your stress level today? What is one thing we can do to move that number down today?
(After the team shares) How does it feel to hear from one another?

Leading in a (Long) Crisis

Leadership is challenging on a normal day. Leadership in a crisis feels impossible, but it's how we show up in times like this that tells us what kind of leader we are.

We can start by supporting your team in the themes we've already discussed this week:

Encourage people to take time off, then track it and follow up with anyone who isn't taking their holiday/vacation. What’s stopping them from giving themselves the space to rest and recover?

Create boundaries for your team. For example, let them know you don't expect them to be on email at all hours... or better yet, only email them during working hours. Even if you do some work on the weekend, save drafts to go to your team on Monday.

Set healthy boundaries yourself. Many of us have leaned into work as a coping mechanism. Myself included. My work has provided me a sense of purpose, connection and distraction, but I know if I am not careful it will overtake all of my waking (and dreaming) time. Take care of yourself so you have the energy to take care of your team, and remember: Stress automatically trickles down from a leader to their team.

Influence responsibly. Another reason to set healthy boundaries and manage your own stress: Your team pays attention to the choices you make, and takes guidance from them. For example, are you still answering email while on "vacation"? Think about the signal that sends to others about how we expect them to spend their time away.

Don't neglect the now. Sometimes we are so focused on planning for the future we don't pay attention to the needs of the business today. Check in with your team regularly about how they're doing and what they need, and use that information to adapt more effective and efficient ways of working. This sets us up better for a future we can't predict.

Lead with a growth mindset. Invite feedback on how we can support our people better. Welcome mistakes (ours and theirs) as opportunities to learn. Give your team (and yourself) some grace and some space. That’s how you’ll all be able to show up and do your best work.

Practices: Crisis Leadership

For Myself: There has literally never been a better time to start a mindfulness meditation practice.

With My Team: Now more than ever, remember that your team is watching your every move, hanging on your every word and reading between the lines of your every email. Slow down to give yourself the time to speak, act and react with intention. When in doubt, take some comfort in the fact that there’s no playbook for this. In times like these, asking the right questions will get you further than presuming to have all the answers.

Staying Focused & Flexible

One of the easiest traps to fall into when faced with a crisis is to put our heads down, push harder and work longer to get everything done. But what if everything doesn't need doing?

The word "crisis" comes from the Greek "to separate, to sift," which means to be discerning, to keep only what is worthwhile. We need to make choices on where we focus our time, energy and attention. These are our most valuable resources and they are not limitless. We must get clear on what is most critical to business success, and focus on delivering against those priorities. And then let the rest go for now. Here's how:

Organize & Prioritize: Consider whether the items on your list are urgent and important. Then use the 4 D's to decide whether to do it now yourself, delay it for another time, delegate it to someone else, or delete it entirely.

Stay Creative, Not Reactive: In a crisis, we tend to default to reactive mode. If we approach our work like we're putting out fires, we're likely to miss opportunities to pivot strategically, leapfrog competitors and explore new territory. See the SOAR model below for a fresh approach to strategic planning.

Let the Rest Go: As we adapt and accelerate, we need to let go of old projects and processes that don't serve the mission and only slow us down. But to do this, we need to first identify and then intentionally conclude them. Make a list of initiatives and investments (including of time and energy), and apply the questions below to identify what your team can reduce or eliminate completely:

What client/customer need does this satisfy?
How well does it fit with the current strategy?
Is it cutting-edge or out-of-date?
What resources does it consume?
Where else might these resources be applied?

For each item you decide to let go, make a plan to do so responsibly, and to allocate the freed-up resources toward essential initiatives that will have critical impact.

Remember, in times like this, doing what we've always done isn't just dull. It's a distraction.

Practices: Focus & Flex

For Myself: Routinely ask yourself,"What is the most important thing I can do right now?" as a simple way to cut through the clutter in any given moment.

With My Team: The old SWOT strategic planning matrix (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) has helped businesses react to changing circumstances for decades. The alternative SOAR (strengths, opportunities, aspirations and results) invites us to plan with a growth mindset: strategically vs. reactively, with long-term aspirations in view and concrete results included.

Strengths: What existing strengths can this team leverage in this moment?
Opportunities: Where can we get stronger and build our business?
Aspirations: How do we want to emerge on the other side of this challenge?
Results: What key results are we aiming to achieve? What will success look like?

All of our systems—rational, emotional, relational and operational—are reeling from the stress of our current reality. Let’s tend to each of them with care. For ourselves, for our team, for the elephant on our chest.

We Can Change

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